What I Gained When I Gave Up Control……I Mean Really Gave Up Control

  • By Christina Skiftun
  • 06 Mar, 2017
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For so many of us the idea of giving up control is soaked in fear and anxiety. If I give up control won’t everything fall apart, won’t everything I have worked for be ruined? Your mind begins spinning with worries and scenarios of how scary stepping out of controlling your life feels, it is quite like facing trauma. I most certainly felt like the thought of giving up control was like my breath was taken away from me. I run a very busy business with many many moving parts, I am a mommy to 3 school aged children plus one on the way, I am a member of my kids’ school council board, and of course am always putting on and taking off my many other hats of life. So what was I so fearful of by giving up that control? Being a yogi I was sure I already knew this! I had been observing my thoughts and reactions with awareness for quite some time trying to decipher the answers to my irritating life questions; how do I increase business? When is the best time to talk to my kids about the big scary things, or better yet how to get them to talk to me? On it went all the while I was continually banging my head against that wall. After a time of soul cleansing, I abruptly realized I thought I was on the right track, when really I was not at all hitting the mark. I was controlling the letting go of control! I knew all about pranidhana (surrender) and yet wasn’t fulling putting it into my own practice. I would let go a little bit, breathe through my episodes of growing anxiety, and hold back as much as I could until I couldn’t stand it any longer and I would jump back in. I was accomplishing only part of what was needed, I had the awareness, but not the surrender. I did not trust that is was safe enough for me to fully let go and not know the outcome…….until I looked at my vulnerabilities. Being vulnerable and seeing your own vulnerabilities feels a lot like losing it all! It is scary and feels unsafe. The thing about vulnerability though is it shares many characteristics with love and kindness. They all offer tremendous healing and wholeness, if we allow them into our souls. They both have the power to heal but also a very fearful power. Whether we are in love or feeling vulnerable we fear losing. We fear something so bad will happen that we will be wounded forever……but only if we CHOOSE to lean towards that side. Leaning towards the side of healing lets us know we have the opportunity to to heal those wounds. So if we are going to bust right open and let ourselves be vulnerable, let us have the awareness to let all the trauma, all the shame, all the guilt, the sadness, the fears and worries exit promptly. Once you no longer have that shame and those fears, then the action of control no longer has power over you. You are controlling your life so you can create an outward image and sense of who you are, but if who you feel you are is rid of shame, guilt, judgement, fear there is no need to control an image because you feel safe to just be.

Begin to focus not on what you desire in life, but how you would feel if those factors already existed in your life. Thinking so hard about scarcity or the need for more simply invites in more lack. Focusing on how you would feel safe, stable, secure if scarcity was a thing of your past will invite in the endorphin releasing hormones making your mind and reaction a very positive one. I was constantly checking in on my business, pleading with my kids to listen to me and asking my fiancé to please do the things on our list and then walking away thinking “fine I just choose to surrender to it all!”…….and then waking up the next going, I surrendered, why isn’t it better? It wasn’t any better because I was still fully focused on creating and controlling. Of course my yogic mind knew what to do….but that’s just it, it didn’t need to “do” anything. How was checking in on my business every hour going to actually make it better? It really wasn’t at all. But checking in on how I felt to run a very successful business sure made me feel safe and stable and a success. No need to shamefully feel like I have failed that day for any reason because I. Felt. Safe!…..and you know what, the details take care of themselves. What it is you focus on is what grows. I now focus on how it feels to be a business success story, a nurturing, giving and loving mom, and non-judgemental, non-nagging partner. The doing part of my brain gave up the control, so the being part could experience and feel life instead of force it……and you know what, my business is flourishing! I have a beautiful connection with my children and we have a high level of emotional intelligence between us, and there is so much fun and playfulness and love between my fiancé and I because he’s best at being him, and I’m best at being me.


Christina is a mommy to 3 + 1 on the way, an entrepreneur, owner of The Yoga Studio Calgary and a living life to the fullest junkie. She is inspired by many who walk along side her and many she continues to dream who will.

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